


Putting Bullets in Bats

by Fudgyokra



Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan)
Genre: Character Study, Flirting, Gen, Gross, Kidnapping, Non-Graphic Violence, One-Sided Attraction, Relationship Study, Villains, Weirdness, again...sort of, sort of...y'know how Joker is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-30 01:31:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12097767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fudgyokra/pseuds/Fudgyokra
Summary: Joker has some strange sexual perversions regarding death and gore.





	Putting Bullets in Bats

**Author's Note:**

> I realized I never officially posted this. I just threw it onto my Tumblr (@braingray) sans title. It has no plot because it was just something short I did to practice writing Nolanverse Joker some more. :) Rated T...plus? For gross sexual imagery, lol.

"See, Batman, you don't get it," Joker said with a laugh, throwing his hands out to the sides in a wild gesticulation that matched his manic energy. "I have dreams where I've blown your brains out through the back of your head. Or maybe the front. It doesn't really matter, because—" He paused to reel his limbs back in, wiggling his fingers as he did. "It doesn't matter how you die, just know that you  _do_. And I wake up, hard as a rock." He grinned, putting his face two short inches away from Bruce's to marvel at his disgust. "I mean, I'm talkin' sheets standing up kind of hard." He mimicked the sound of something springing up and made a lewd motion with his finger to demonstrate. "You get me? And—and then," he said, putting a splayed hand on Bruce's chest, "then I gotta jack off thinkin' about, y'know, fucking your bullet wound or something."

"Joker," Bruce growled, glowering at him through narrowed eyes, "that's enough."

"Well, my point is…" He turned back toward Robin, who was looking at him with lips pulled back, eyebrows pointed down like daggers. "See, papa bear here, he gives some people a lot of trouble. Personally, I like the trouble, but, ya know, Gotham's a tough crowd. But he does cause  _trouble_ —you agree, don't you?—so he's got a pretty penny out for his head and/or dick on a platter." He let this marinate. Then, without warning, he began again. "I mean, I'm not gonna go to, say, Bane, with what I assume is a monstrous vigilante cock, but—"

"Joker, stop," Bruce hissed. He was beginning to lose his patience now. "Tell me what this is about or let me the hell out so I can kick your ass."

Joker paused as though he were actually considering, then, with a shake of his head, answered, "No…no, no, no. Don't skip the foreplay." He turned back to Robin and pointed at him. "Remember that, kid."

Robin scowled, but Joker did not seem to find it very threatening, going by his pleasant smile.

"So, Bats," he said, almost conversationally, "what you're gonna do is have a chat with a little friend of mine."

"What makes you think I'm gonna do that?"

Joker nodded once and held a finger up while he used his free hand to fish around in his pocket. It was with alarming speed that he withdrew a knife, tiny but sharp, and chucked it over his shoulder.

"Robin!" Bruce cried, overriding the wail the younger man gave when the knife pierced through the center of his palm, effectively stapling it to the wood behind him.

"You get the point, yeah?" Joker waved a hand noncommittally. "You don't do this for me, I kill your adorable protégé, or _rrr_  whatever he is to you."

Bruce curled his lip. "Who's this 'friend' of yours?"

"Batman, no," Robin said seriously, casting a pleading look in his direction. "You can't—"

"I can handle it," Bruce interrupted.

"But—"

"I'll do it," he told Joker, "if you let him go."

"What ever happened to not bartering with psychopaths, huh?" Robin cried, voice dripping with a toxic mix of anguish and rage. "You can't just let him win!"

"Like father like son, eh?" Joker said, approaching Robin with ambling footsteps and stopping to study him for a moment. "Does he make you call him 'daddy'?"

Robin lurched uselessly against his restraints, affixing the now-laughing clown with a snarl.

"All right, all right," Joker said, nearly breathless with laughter. "The twerp leaves only minorly injured, and the Batman comes with me on a leash, like a good dog."

Batman gave Robin a look that promised he knew what he was doing, and Robin hoped to god that that was true.

Joker yanked the knife from his palm and watched with unmeasured glee as the man winced. Then, shortly after, one of his nearby goons came and manhandled him out of the cave, kicking and protesting all the way.

"Now, as for us," Joker said to Bruce, gripping his cheeks with annoying strength, "we've got a date."


End file.
